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Health Nut? Don’t Eat Here.

November 13, 2007

Ash is right, I was on the news.  You know, I’ve done a lot of great things is this town.  I’ve directed numerous theatrical productions, I’ve organized AIDS awareness events, the list continues.  But what makes the news?  Me, fiercely screaming my order at some underpaid, overwhelmed Dunkin Donuts employees who have probably been up since 4am making my precious doughnuts.  Real classy. 

So Asheville’s collective Body Mass Index just went up quite a few points.  Everyone and their mother and father and dog was at Dunkin Donuts on opening day.  What other town would actually make a Dunkin Donuts worthy of the six o’ clock news?  What with gang violence, film festivals, skyrocketing gas prices, drought, mountaintop removal, segregation issues, and endless other news items.  Oh, I know one, how about the Middle East war we are fighting and all the soldiers we are losing on Veteran’s Day?!  No, instead it was donuts that brought our media out on location, there to cover hard-hitting stories on Munchkins and their brand-new line of microwaves pizzas!!

The radio was there too.  Sheesh. 

Okay, here’s my synopsis.  The coffee is darn good, and they make it for you.  This addresses a major pet peeve I have in this town.  Too many restaurants require you to:  make your own coffee and bus your own table.  I don’t know what I’m tipping for if I’m doing half the work of food preparation and cleanup.  I still tip, but it just bothers me.  So I found it a breath of fresh air to have my coffee totally made for me and delivered in such pretty orange and pink packaging.  However:

I MISS SISTERS MCMULLEN DOUGHNUTS!!!!!!!!!!

Dunkin Donuts does not hold a single candle to Sisters McMullen’s homemade creations.  They have way too many of those glazed bready options and not nearly enough of the heavier cake variety.  It’s complete and total insanity when I can’t order a cake doughnut with chocolate on top, or a regular cinnamon doughnut.  I mean, what crazy chain restaurant fiery brimstone of hell are we living in here?  There was no love in these doughnuts, except maybe the sour cream ones.  I sampled both their pizza (singed cardboard with melted cardboard on top) and their hash browns (delicious potato latke tasting things) during my 30 minute wait, which was fun and helped the time pass.  I’m a total sucker for a free sample.  Munchkins are more delightful than the actual doughnuts, so I’ll probably return for those.  Eating the French Crueller was like eating cotton candy with sugar glaze.  Blech.  I haven’t tried the apple fritter but it looked pretty gross to me.  My one hopeful:  Ginger doughnuts.   They were out by the time I got to the counter, so I’ll have to return to taste them.  The manager’s special was a nasty- looking bready (bready = bad kind of doughnut that I hate) doughnut with chocolate and sprinkles.  When did Dunkin Donuts become a six year old’s birthday party, or has that always been the case? 

So that’s my humble summation.  It won’t matter, though.  Never in my life did I see a line like that for those incredible, locally made Sisters McMullen doughnuts.  I guess in doughnuts and U.S. presidents, bad taste prevails. 

Update:  Not surprisingly, I have learned that Dunkin Donuts is owned by the Bush family, sort of.  Take that information and do what you will. 

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. November 13, 2007 9:35 pm

    It’s good that you screamed your order. I didn’t and they got it wrong. Where were the blueberry donuts? Those used to be my faves.

    I’ll be back for the coffee, which was delice. But I’ll try to avoid upping my BMI any further!

  2. November 14, 2007 3:15 pm

    When I was there, they were offering both blueberry doughnuts and blueberry munchkins. These were a close second to the sour cream doughnuts. I kept getting confused and thought I was eating a muffin, but then I would look down and remember this was in fact, round with a hole in it. Then I noticed they also sell muffins. I don’t know, I thought the blueberry flavor was pretty fake. But the consistency was just how I like it.

  3. November 14, 2007 8:25 pm

    Hooray!!! Dunkin Donuts!!! Tomorrow morn I will be in to savor the fresh brewed fixed-for-you hot goodness of DD coffee. It’s even better when you go through a DD drive thru and don’t have to fumble with sugar packets. Ahhhhh, memories of New England living. They’re actual donuts are only good when dunked.

  4. November 14, 2007 8:27 pm

    Whoa, I totally put the wrong website on my comment. I am not a professional artist based in Portugal, (though I kinda wish I was).

  5. Pixiedyke permalink
    November 16, 2007 12:14 pm

    You’ve made the news for plays. A particular beach themed epic springs to mind…

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